


Autumn sadness

by Donya



Series: King of sorrow [6]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Autumn, Baby, Depression, Fluff, FrostIron - Freeform, Loki has a shitload of issues, M/M, Melancholy, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-02
Updated: 2013-12-02
Packaged: 2018-01-03 04:10:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1065591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Donya/pseuds/Donya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Late autumn, Tony and Loki go for a walk, together with a tiny creature they brought into this world.</p><p>Angsty and sad.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Autumn sadness

Late autumn, the end of November, the beginning of December, that lonely depressing time between the red and yellow, bright autumn and the first snow. Long weeks of shorter and shorter days, dark and rainy, when it's so easy to forget how colourful that season used to be. Rare sunny days brought more confusion than joy and the sunlight wasn't strong enough to provide any warmth. Tony always thought he loved autumn, even this second part of it, that silent awaiting for winter, thick sweaters, hot chocolate, blankets, mulled wine, much more appreciated after a long walk.

He loved the dim colours of the end of autumn, damp leaves under their boots were deep brown, almost black, shining from the rain. Dry leaves that didn't fall off the trees yet were pale yellow or deep orange. The grass was still green and it will be even under snow. Leafless trees black, blackberry shrubs bordering on black and purple, countless spider's webs white. Dark grey clouds threatening rain. Those days smelled like dying leaves, ground and rain.

Loki always forgot his gloves or left them at home or lost them again and after ten minutes his hands were already stiff and red. It'd been long since it stopped annoying Tony, he would take off his gloves and help Loki put them on or Loki would put his hands into Tony's pocket or his sleeves and they walked like that, close, holding each other. Tony would make sure Loki's scarf was wrapped tightly enough around his neck and kiss his red nose, stopping himself from all Reindeer Games jokes. Despite the height difference, it was Loki who leant against Tony for support and his warmth. They always walked slowly, last year because Loki didn't see his feet and now because of a little boy in front of them. 

It was Finn's second autumn, last year at that time Loki and Tony were _not_ dealing with a screaming newborn, now the baby was already walking on his own and Tony thought it was too early. It shouldn't surprise him that their son was so annoyingly stubborn, refusing to hold their hands, although he would fall down every ten steps. It was easier not to be half bent the whole stroll to keep the tiny hand in his, yet Tony missed that. They grow up so fast, before long Finn would turn into an angry teenager, way too quickly. Now, though, he was trotting clumsily, stopping every now and then to examine a particularly interesting stick or a slug or a pebble, overwhelmed by the freedom he was granted so recently. Once he started walking, there was no stopping him, let loose he wouldn't stop and always went in the wrong direction, weeping when picked up and taken back home. Tony wondered if it was his being of Jotun blood or maybe it was normal for all children, Finn didn't seem to feel cold, didn't mind it, he would take advantage of the door left open and rush outside dressed too lightly. He absolutely hated putting on his shoes, the jacket and gloves but most of all, he despised hats, much to Tony's dismay. He didn't expect a one-year-old to be so determined and strong-willed, or _difficult_ but then again, that was their son.

Tony would say those walks were about fresh air and not staying indoors the whole autumn, but the truth was it was a moment when neither of them had to entertain the baby, he was playing with himself, letting Tony focus on Loki, remind him they were bound together not only by having a child. Tony would keep Loki close and every time Finn stopped to pick up a slug or put pebbles in a neat row (he was so gifted at such young age, Tony noted with pride), Tony would kiss away cold tears that marked Loki's reddened face. When asked, Loki would say it's from the wind and Tony never pressed him. He carried in his pocket a bribery kit, a plastic bag filled with jellies, cookies and candies, in case of a meltdown, either Finn's or Loki's. Now it was good, neither of them was crying, at least not openly, it meant it was a good day.

On bad days Loki couldn't get out of the bed and it didn't matter whose turn it was to feed Finn or bathe him, Tony had to do everything. The first time it happened, Tony was frightened Loki was dying, Loki wasn't able to say a word, he just sobbed loudly. Tony, shocked and confused, cradled him in his arms, painfully aware of wide-eyed Finn watching them. He was six or seven months old but the look on his face, he was so serious and concerned, way too young to be that worried. Tony wanted to say, 'Don't look, child, forget about this, don't remember Loki ever being that sad.'

He had no idea what was the cause, maybe it was too early, maybe Loki needed to find himself first, sort out his identity issues, Tony felt a cold shiver every time Loki would reminisce about Asgard and describe his chamber to Finn, and five minutes later he was already _of Jotunheim_ and Finn was told about Frost Giants. Or maybe Loki couldn't cope with how much Finn depended on them, much more than Loki's other children, the serpent or the horse. Most often, Tony would say it was just a natural reaction, everyone has the right to feel bad sometimes, especially when day after day looked the same, always Finn-centred. Tony never would have guessed parenting was so incredibly exhausting, physically and mentally. It was a real struggle not to fall asleep right after putting the baby down.

It didn't help that the only advise he was offered was _let Thor take Loki back to Asgard_. They always left unsaid the implied _before something bad happens._ That was an accident, he was sure of that, nothing would ever make him think otherwise. He saw himself how clumsy Finn was, he would fall down or hit his head so damn often. That's what babies do, they need to develop habits and learn how to avoid such situations, before that happens, they are constantly bruised and scratched. Tony knew Loki loved Finn, he was so protective of him, perhaps that was the reason of his sadness- he cared too much and exaggerated his each and every mistake. It was worse now, yes, but it was this weird part of the year, dark and cloudy, it would get better soon, snow and Christmas and New Year, then the spring. They were going to be all right.

 


End file.
